God, Sex, & Rich People

Being raised an Evangelical in Purity Culture, there was a whopping ONE condition under which I could/should be comfortable having sex: Marriage. Because if I wasn’t married, the guy was probably JUST after my hot box. And if he’s JUST after my hot box, he’s probably objectifying me and doesn’t respect me. And ya know, that’s just what you have to deal with in our world. So instead of teaching men to not dissociate women from their bodies and to respect them as entire humans,

I want to take it back to a little time in my life called “Mattie Jo goes to sex therapy.” Okay. It wasn’t exactly sex therapy. It was sexual trauma therapy. Liiiiittle different. It was April 2017, five months after my assault, before I decided to take Planned Parenthood up on their generous offer of free therapy treatment. I don’t know what took me so long. Actually, yes I do. I didn’t think I needed it. A good friend recently told me "If you don't label it as trauma you do

Recap: Thanks to a Tinder date gone horribly wrong, I was awakened to my doing obligatory sex things for far too long, and I was done doing that. It is not my responsibility to babysit a man’s hard on. I fell head over heels for a Romanian Orthodox virgin at a theme park which was great because I got the entire summer to reorient my confidence and self-worth, unattached from what I could provide sexually to a man. Zorro’s love taught me lessons I didn’t know I needed to learn

So I’m coming off of this pretty terrible experience, totally frustrated and angry (and, let’s be real, sad) at men being very disappointing. But furthermore, feeling like if I stick to my guns about respect and physical boundaries, I’ll never be intimate with a man again (this is when I really considered choosing lesbianism. This is also when I again confirmed, ya can’t choose to be gay). I’m mentally wrestling with morality and reality, all while singing Taylor Swift parodi

O Be Careful, Little Eyes O be careful little eyes what you see O be careful little eyes what you see There's a Father up above And He's looking down in love So, be careful little eyes what you see O be careful little ears what you hear O be careful little ears what you hear There's a Father up above And He's looking down in love So, be careful little ears what you hear O be careful little hands what you do O be careful little hands what you do There's a Father up above And H